Who's Actually Bad Here?

A week into Michael's death, a firsthand record surrounding one of the biggest cultural moments of our lifetime

I wrote this article on July 2nd, 2009, a week after Michael Jackson died. It was written in the aftermath of the media frenzy surrounding his death, and serves as my firsthand cultural record of the behavior of everyone in his orbit: his family, the media, friends, former accusers, and the emotional climate surrounding one of the biggest cultural moments of our lifetime. You can read the first part of my Michael series, written on the day he died — The Man in My Mirror.

Michael, Part Two

I’m desperately trying not to write about this anymore. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m livid. I’m trying to stay away from all the media circus surrounding Michael’s death; it’s been only a week, and I never thought it could be worse than when he was alive. But I live in Hollywood, and even if I stay offline, I cannot buy a piece of godamn bread without my eyeballs being assaulted in the cashier line.

We get it, press, Michael Jackson was weird. Got it! You showed it down our throats for decades, can you give it a fucking rest?

And the media isn’t even the end of my fury. Hearing his friends, acquaintances, family members, doctors, gurus, rabbis, and numerous other idiots in his close circle talk so much nonsense for this past week, it makes you wonder — how did this guy even live to be 50?

How normal could he be with that kind of surroundings? It’s astonishing what’s going on in the aftermath of his death. I’m unable to work, how disturbing it all is. I’m trying to round up his life and legacy, write a decent piece about his art, do this man some justice — but no, you simply cannot catch a fucking breath here, in this town.

The level of rumors and headlines, the audacity of these journalists doing everything but their job of investigating and REPORTING is just grotesque. This is storytelling, this isn’t even journalism anymore.

I’m trying to find some sense. It’s not just that he died, it’s HOW he died. How can his ending not make you furious?! Everyone just keeps repeating how sad and tragic his life was — how could it not be, with everybody around him constantly taking stabs at him?

And he just took it, and took it, and took it.

Now that he died, isn’t there one godamn person in his circle who can step up, truly STEP UP and do him some justice?

Everybody just keeps going along with the same rhythm as when he was alive; shitting, trashing, manipulating — instead of calling out those who took part in his demise. Why would we call anyone out, right? Why would we know the truth, right? It’s easier than ever now that he’s dead; we can just conclude he was weird, that he died because he was a freak, and close up shop?

There are people who, with their DIRECT actions, helped destroy the life of such an extraordinary human being and a talent. And we’ll just let somebody cover it all up?

I understand scandal sells more than humanity, but beyond media — someone’s reaaaaally hard at work trying to cover all this up. Who is covering all this up? What happened here?

And why are we as a public so complacent about this? Why are we not raging? Why are we not investigating? This man was practically an invalid by the time he died; the incredible physical demands on his body since he was 5 years old, to preform FOR US, left him with so many ailments. We enjoyed his music, his performances — couldn’t we at least do him some justice and dig into what happened here?

The man has three small children; it makes absolutely NO SENSE that he would be reckless with asking to be put under with propofol, however sleep-deprived he might have been. It. Makes. No. Sense.

We keep reading how “tragic his life was.” What the fuck do you mean, his life was larger than life itself, and his humanity even larger; tragic were all the leeches around him, and what’s deplorable is that those who contributed to his demise can’t even step forward to do him some justice in death.

I blame them all.

Idiotic “friends” around him that did nothing to protect him.

Some members of his family who can‘t even shed one tear for the son and brother who’s been feeding them all their lives.

The media that deliberately destroyed him because he dared to give them just his art, and not his private life. Because scandals, lies, and smears sell better than achievements and charity.

Random useless strangers that ruined his life, his reputation, and crushed his soul by taking advantage of his kindness.

“Business partners” who used his kindness to feed off of him. You name it, they took a bite.

Executives who feared him having more control than they did.

Can we at least, as the public and as fans, have the decency not to judge, but to try to understand, question what’s been served to us, and demand the truth?

It seems to me that we aren’t supposed to get the truth.

Does this man, who never complained and just kept taking punch after punch, not at least deserve the truth?

Press, you who made enormous profits over five decades by ruining this man’s life, can you at least give something back to him in death and investigate what really happened here? Can you actually investigate this time, what is being covered up, and finally lay it out for the people who actually care?

We are sick of the lies; it’s so transparent and coordinated. Who is afraid of Michael Jackson, even in death? Why are you STILL doing this? WHO are you doing this for?

Why are you taking a step back in the investigation? Why are you not challenging bits and pieces that don’t make any sense in this story? You were relentless when digging through his private life; now dig into the lives of the people who ruined his. Isn’t that just as profitable as exploiting him was?

There are so many things here that do not make sense. So many disturbing things surrounding Michael’s life that, at times, even his strange behavior starts to feel somewhat intelligible.

People always say no one is going to help you unless you help yourself. Strength matters in life, but vulnerability matters too. Sensitivity is often treated as a weakness, something that will diminish you, when in reality it can become a source of enormous strength if you have real support from the people/family around you.

I truly think his biggest downfall was not having any of it.

Even in death, he cannot be left in peace. All of his friends are suddenly crawling out with a story, a clothing line, some advice they supposedly gave him; everybody knew something was wrong, yet nobody did anything. They all come out now with the same line: “He was taking all kinds of pills, you know…” Then why are you saying it now? Why didn’t you say it to him when there was still time?

Why didn’t you do something about it then?

And his family is even worse.

First, his sad excuse of a father goes to the BET Awards held in his son’s honor. He sits in the first row, laughs the whole time, gets up and dances from time to time, and then goes to the after-party. AN AFTER PARTY. Your son died a week ago! When approached by CNN’s reporter asking him how he feels, he simply responds:

“Great, I feel great.”

You feel great?

The confused reporter looks at him, abashed: “Hmmm. Anything else? I mean, you know, your son just died…”, and Joe Jackson says — “Yeah, you know, the world’s greatest entertainer just died, and you know how it is….” Then turns to someone on the red carpet and yells: “Hey Marvin….Marvin, come here, tell him what we do, we just opened a new Record Company, you know, what’s the name of the company, Marvin, Marvin, tell ‘em….”

What ih the flying fuck was that? I know, joke’s on me, expecting more from Joe Jackson, but this whole spectacle is just unbearable.

Hey, Joe, your son just died, but it’s cool, promote your shady business, loser.

Did the media do the piece on this old fart not being phased with his son's death, other than mentioning, well, that was “a bit strange”? No.

How about Jermaine Jackson, the one who always thought he deserved Michael’s solo career, always famously called out for being jealous? Jermaine Jackson went on to meet Larry King in Neverland today, and when Larry asked him, “Are you sad being here? Do you feel terrible?”, loser 2.0 answered, “No, you know, I feel joyful, I feel his spirit….”

This interview sent me to the smithereens.

Larry: “How did you find out your brother died? Was that shocking for you?”

Jermaine: “Well, Larry, I heard from you guys, you guys called me, CNN, ha ha ha…you know, that was funny, yeah, it was a shock, and I had to drive all the way to another part of town.”

(He means he had to drive to UCLA Medical Center when Michael was pronounced dead, as I was there, and saw him going in and out of the hospital.)

Larry: “Well, Jermaine, do you want to know what happened? Why did your brother die?”

Jermaine: “Larry, you know, it doesn’t matter now, you know, I mean I feel his spirit, and I’m joyful.”

Larry: “Yes, I understand, but maybe there was something inappropriate that happened, wouldn’t you like to know?”

Jermaine: “Larry, I feel wonderful here at Neverland. I feel joyful.”

A brain has left the fucking building.

Did any of the press call out on Jermaine? Could Larry King maybe have said Hey, what’s going on with you asshole, can’t you mourn your freaking brother for 2 seconds?

Nah.

I know, Larry’s old school, but hey, if anybody could have done it, it’s Larry King. What was CNN going to do? Fire him? Larry is bigger than CNN.

Just how many people are working for the same system that did not want to have Michael Jackson on this earth anymore?

I’m losing it.

Maybe I’m subjective, I fully admit it. After all, Michael was my first virtual boyfriend. Yes, I felt the first tingle of sexuality that one gets triggered in their adolescence with looking at something or someone — that first thing you feel it, when you understand you’re soon leaving a child in you and becoming a woman. That was Michael in the ‘Dirty Diana’ video for me.

I watched it over and over, relentlessly,  and I thought he had to be the most beautiful boy in all the world. I am subjective. Have at it. But this is not about my pubescent sexuality, discovered by watching Mike crawl on stage in tight leather pants, and that expressive face.

It’s about fairness and fucking justice. It’s about the fact that everybody deserves it, while you’re going on about his face. Why are you all so stuck on the face? A thousand suspicious things are going on about this death, and you’re STILL on the face? It’s his face; he can do whatever he wants with it.

They say extraordinarily talented people are often surrounded by mediocre, uninspired people who leech to them, while deeply resenting their greatness. In Michael’s case, can this be more obvious? His genius was so potent; the people around him could not stand being constantly reminded of how ordinary they were.

It’s only logical, by that formula, that the one person who had a genuinely human reaction to Michael Jackson’s death, a visible pain and despair, was Janet Jackson, the next most talented member of the Jackson family.

Is there an end to how much grief, deception, and betrayal this man endured, and now even in death?

Which brings me to the most painful part of this huge rant, and Michael’s entire life — the molestation lies. The ruined legacy that will never breathe outside this scam, even though the man was acquitted BY THE COURT, on all 14 counts. No media, with access to all the legal files, ever bothered to set the record straight. A ten year long investigation that found NOTHING.

No one’s printing it. We’re still on the Wacko Jacko racist carousel.

If you haven’t been living under a rock somewhere, you know Jordan Chandler’s father sued Michael for child molestation. We all know he put the kid under hypnosis with drugs and implemented a fake “memory.” We all heard the tape of him admitting he drugged and coached the kid, admitting he’s extorting Michael, admitting he doesn’t care about the kid. It’s all ON TAPE. We all know Jordan’s mother was driving around town in Michael’s limo and went shopping using Michael’s black Amex. We all know he was never charged for anything.

We all know Michael wanted to go to trial, but was advised to settle, to make the story go away. Did those around him plan this? He settled; therefore, he’s guilty? He gave them $20 million; therefore, he must be guilty. Right?

Wrong.

Media won’t tell you this. You have to look on your own. I spent months researching this. Michael didn’t settle anything. He did not even know he had settled. He did not give any money. His insurance company settled because THEY did not want to deal with a lengthy trial that would probably cost as much. The studio wanted him to tour, not waste time in the court, like the good cash cow he was. Michael protested it, but it was already done.

And that became the one thing he always regretted because it informed every other leech that Michael’s good for good ‘ol extortion! And they piled up, later in life.

Michael publicly stated all this, but the media never wanted to put it in their circulation. Wacko Jacko was more profitable. It was done; he was a child molester, a stigma that was never going to leave him.

Why am I going on about something that happened 16 years ago? Because the kid who sued him is 29 years old today. Jordan Chandler admitted his father coached him. And Jordan and he also heard that Michael died today. Not just that, he feels bad about it, he says. Not just that, he’s unofficially talking to some small media outlets, asking for forgiveness and admitting Michael Jackson never touched him.

Are you fucking serious?

His dad Evan made him do it, Jordan says to small media outlets, no one heard about, unless you research it yourself. He was afraid of his dad, Jordan says, to a small media outlet no one knows about. He says all that while collecting $20 million of extortion money.

In 2005, Jordan sued his dad because, apparently, he hit him, beat him, and tried to kill him. So he doesn’t have any contact with the dad. But he has the money. Plenty of it. Did Jordan come forward in 2005, when he removed his dad from his life? Did he do anything to save at least the last four years of Michael’s life that he could have spent in dignity?

He didn’t.

But he is stepping out today, a week after Michal had died, one of the most talented entertainers in history, broke and despised. He watched Michael get thrown out of his beloved Neverland because of accusations he now admits were false. He watched him lose everything, and he said nothing.

Today, he’s out in New York, getting papped on the street, dripped in bling that Michael’s extortion money paid for. He was just a kid then, I understand, a victim of greedy parents, I get it. Guess what, Jordan, you aren’t a fucking kid anymore. No one’s pushing you to continue the lie.

Get out of your expensive apartments and your Bentleys, and do one decent thing in your life. Lose me with that mea culpa chatter in the small media outlets; call Larry King or Oprah, sit down, look at the fucking camera, and tell the world the truth.

Harvey Levin, why aren’t you on top of this? What is TMZ doing now? Why aren’t you hunting Jordan in his Bentley, driving around New York, and quizzing him on the street like you do all other celebrities?

Who is the person above, running this charade?

Who is still profiting from lies about Michael, even now, in death?

I just cannot accept the fact that this kind, sensitive, talented human being, the one who gave millions to charity and helped people in need when almost no one else was doing it, the one who was born to bring joy to people, simply fades away and disappears. I cannot believe how mistreated he was in childhood, in life, and even in death, and that no one wants to do absolutely fuck all about it.

Was the purpose of his life truly just to give joy to others, to always give — the joy, the music, the money, the cultural clout — and never receive anything in return except judgment, ridicule, and lies thrown back at him?

I managed to get through this whole piece without crying; I’m angry. Anger is good, better than sadness; anger keeps me focused.

But as I’m finishing writing it, I just saw what Stephen King posted about Michael on his website. This absolutely floored me. I’m bawling, again.

“There’s a sadness that’s all too common in people who possess talent in amounts so great it has become a burden instead of a blessing. Michael was indeed innocent of the abuse allegations. In the court of public opinion, however, he was found guilty of Weirdness of First Degree. You’ll also see Jackson’s sadness and almost painful desire to please. Yes, I am strange, his eyes say, but I am doing the best I can, and I want to make you happy. Is that so bad?”

Indeed, was that so BAD?

The world simply wasn’t ready for so much innocence, kindness, and beauty mixed with that much talent.